As much as I love coming back here, things just aren't the same. It seems like each time I come back, things get worse and worse. Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying myself... but it's never like anything I expected. I don't get to see my cousins all the time because either there are family issues or they have school. I don't really have any peace time because Hong Kong people are just always on the go (and I've gotten too American for that kind of lifestyle). Maybe I'm just expecting too much out of this place. Or I've changed too much for this place. Shopping is great but I can't do this all day everyday. Eating is awesome but a person can only eat so much. And family is well... different. 

I don't know. I don't think I can come back here for a good while. Too much city for me. I'm already starting to get homesick and I've only been here for a week; still another week to go. I miss my mommy and daddy and all my friendsy. 

i don't care who i'm marrying, i'm gonna make this our song and dance like them too.

i only have one thing on my christmas wishlist this year: a place to stay for the spring semester at berkeley.

i am in no mood for bad news right now. and i can't focus on this dumb paper with berkeley housing being the biggest bitch ever. their email responses are a joke. i even called them today just to ask them what number am i on the waitlist and the lady fed me the whole "you could be number 60 but we don't know if any spring admits will cancel their applications so you could be number 30" bullshit. okay thanks for the help.

i'm so happy everyone is home. i haven't laughed so hard in so long. i think my mom was even ecstatic that i was sleeping over at kristina's because i haven't socialized in forever. pretty sure the people at Shari's hate us now.

also got my first lappie toppie. :) sony vaio vgn-fw510. i just realized that everything in this living room right now is operated on sony systems.

DIRTY FUCKING PROJECTORS
They are so amazing. Words cannot fathom how wonderful the whole experience was. Dave Longstreth is a genius and I am so mesmerized by Amber Coffman and Angel Deradoorian's angelic (for the lack of better words) voices.

Experienced a huge panic attack today when I tried to do the Mathematics Diagnostic Test on the Berkeley website and stumbled on the first question because I forgot how to multiply fractions.

What I learned today:
Google is my best friend.
I'm going to be beyond fucked when I take calculus again (for like what, the third time?).


Anyway, I've been spending wayyy too much time on planning my schedule for next semester. It's sooo perfect, with exam groups spaced evenly apart. Let's hope that the classes won't fill up too fast.

Two words to describe all the feelings and emotions I'm going through right now: irrational anger.

I've been fucking everything up lately. My head is a mess and I'm an emotional wreck. Everything is now fucked up and it's all my fault. I am so upset with myself.

I don't think I've ever felt so human in my life before. I know what Summer feels like now. So thank you Alaska for whatever you did to me. I owe you one.

Before I leave for Seattle and Alaska tomorrow, I just wanted to say that I have really wonderful friends and I'm going to miss them all dearly next year. Had my second sleepover of my lifetime yesterday with Kristina, Anna, and Courtney and as everyone was falling asleep on Amelie, we pulled out the salsa and tortilla chips and the yearbooks and laughed about everyone and everything. I think high school might've been better than I thought.

It's funny how things change so fast. I remember when I used to come on here everyday, writing novels about everything that just slightly annoyed me. But now whenever I come here, I sit staring at the screen for hours trying to think of something to talk about. I think I got a life. I think I stopped caring so much. I think I like this.

Anyway, I'm really excited about Alaska. A little too excited since I've been bragging about the rainforest ziplining adventure to anyone who would listen. But usually excitement leads to high expectations which almost always leads to disappointment. Hopefully it won't follow the pattern this time.